Ah, the woes of the heart continue. Fortuitously, cheese is the pillow of the heart so I'll be OK, mostly!
It's quite a nice cheese, not 100 miles away from Cheddar actually with a deep red colour and very slightly nutty flavour. I am dissappointed to learn that the colour comes not from an intense hallucinegen but in fact from Annatto. Obviously. Though looking at the Wikipedia picture it could well have those properties.
Well, I did dream. I was in a night club. I don't remember what music was playing, but then suddenly Rage Against the Machine comes on and my work mate comes leaping in and head banging like crazy. Which I guess is fine but he's a Carpenters fan. Anyway, that's it. I can't really pick out any useful meanings from this sadly, which is a shame as I could use a few pointers in life right now!
Ah well, I shall have to make my own way without the benefit of cheesey wisdom.
So, although a memorable dream, not much to be gleened from it. So I would say Red Leicester gets...
4/10
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Halloumi
Why has there been no cheese blog for so long I hear you ask?
Well, halloumi to explain...
Ahahahaha I'm so funny.
SO halloumi, in case you don't know, is the closest thing to plastic you could ever eat. It's like really, really salty plastic. I think they use it for window wipers, judging by the sound it makes when you slice it. Once you've sliced it (I would recommend fairly thick slices) you grill the sucker, or bbq it if you can - that's best. Once it's a lovely golden brown on both sides you eat it. Make sure you eat it hot! MMMmmm. You don't need to eat it with anything, although typically I find I have it with large amounts of meat. Probably red wine. Maybe some olives. Actually no. Definitely have it with olives.
Anyway, it's quite delicious of course. I ate loads. Certainly more than the 50g quota.
However..
I didn't have any dreams.
So:
1/10
It tastes nice so 0 seemed a bit harsh
Well, halloumi to explain...
Ahahahaha I'm so funny.
SO halloumi, in case you don't know, is the closest thing to plastic you could ever eat. It's like really, really salty plastic. I think they use it for window wipers, judging by the sound it makes when you slice it. Once you've sliced it (I would recommend fairly thick slices) you grill the sucker, or bbq it if you can - that's best. Once it's a lovely golden brown on both sides you eat it. Make sure you eat it hot! MMMmmm. You don't need to eat it with anything, although typically I find I have it with large amounts of meat. Probably red wine. Maybe some olives. Actually no. Definitely have it with olives.
Anyway, it's quite delicious of course. I ate loads. Certainly more than the 50g quota.
However..
I didn't have any dreams.
So:
1/10
It tastes nice so 0 seemed a bit harsh
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
NO cheese!
So I'm in a room. It's me now, and I'm talking to me, the old me, this kid of maybe 12 years old.. Well, it's him talking at me, actually - he seems so smart! He keeps going on about these crazy ideas and interests he has.. What a strange little chap. I stand there mutely, wondering where he gets it all from and what happened.
Interesting.
I'd like to tell you a cheese joke at this point, but I'm not very fondue them.
Ho ho ho!
Interesting.
I'd like to tell you a cheese joke at this point, but I'm not very fondue them.
Ho ho ho!
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Wanas Adel (Ikea cheese!)
So Ikea describe it thus:
A creamy and soft, yet piquant, blue cheese. Serve on ginger thins, crispbread or crackers, perhaps with a glass of wine. The product is organic.
I would say that they can add to this, something short and snappy such as:
.. and will induce cheese vision quests.
So I was with a lady at this picnic, only it wasn't really a picnic because there were loads and loads of stalls of food. More like a market. But it was a picnic. It wasn't a free picnic, but for some reason I could take anything I wanted. Only that some things, I felt I should give something for, and generally felt I shouldn't take things for nothing, even though I could. So anyway there may have been some fruit eating or some such.. I'm a bit vague on that part..
Then for some reason we're at a fenced area. There were people trying to climb the fence, and the top of the fence had barbs and nails. A naked boy was trying to climb over, but he couldn't do it alone. I tried to help him but he was scared and didn't trust me to do it without hurting him on the nails and barbs and such but I just climbed up and after some edgy moments with the nails I got him over unharmed anyway. He then seemed quite proud of me, and told me he was amazed at how fast I had grown. Then some other things happened.
Interesting.
So.. Wanas Adel, or ÄDELOST WANÅS:
10/10
A creamy and soft, yet piquant, blue cheese. Serve on ginger thins, crispbread or crackers, perhaps with a glass of wine. The product is organic.
I would say that they can add to this, something short and snappy such as:
.. and will induce cheese vision quests.
So I was with a lady at this picnic, only it wasn't really a picnic because there were loads and loads of stalls of food. More like a market. But it was a picnic. It wasn't a free picnic, but for some reason I could take anything I wanted. Only that some things, I felt I should give something for, and generally felt I shouldn't take things for nothing, even though I could. So anyway there may have been some fruit eating or some such.. I'm a bit vague on that part..
Then for some reason we're at a fenced area. There were people trying to climb the fence, and the top of the fence had barbs and nails. A naked boy was trying to climb over, but he couldn't do it alone. I tried to help him but he was scared and didn't trust me to do it without hurting him on the nails and barbs and such but I just climbed up and after some edgy moments with the nails I got him over unharmed anyway. He then seemed quite proud of me, and told me he was amazed at how fast I had grown. Then some other things happened.
Interesting.
So.. Wanas Adel, or ÄDELOST WANÅS:
10/10
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Cheese Medley
Bill Bailey is standing next to me. He's angry, his hair is in a wild dissarray, his friendly chubby face scrunched into a goblin like glare of malice. He is pointing at the board, and he is not impressed, despite my reasonable score.
"You haven't even tried" he says. I square up to him, despite his intimidating 6ft 4 frame. I struggle to find words, a suitable excuse. All that rolls through my mind is that if it's so easy, why should I try? But I know this wont wash with Mr Bailey.
"I've done enough" I say with outward conviction, but inside I am shamed and I know how feeble this sounds. I instantly regret this move. There is some mental grappling between myself and Bill, perhaps we are meeting somewhere out there in the astral plane, but I refuse to defend myself as I know he is right.
I let him vent his anger, anger fuelled by my silent acquiescence. I vow to prove him wrong.
And then I wake up.
And that, my friends, is why it is a bad idea to mix cheese. You just don't know what the effects will be.
There was another part to this, but it escapes me at the moment.. Perhaps it will come back tonight. But I think that there is something to be learned from Bill's anger.
So unknown mixed cheese medley:
10/10
(plus a lot of booze of course, including mad dogs)
"You haven't even tried" he says. I square up to him, despite his intimidating 6ft 4 frame. I struggle to find words, a suitable excuse. All that rolls through my mind is that if it's so easy, why should I try? But I know this wont wash with Mr Bailey.
"I've done enough" I say with outward conviction, but inside I am shamed and I know how feeble this sounds. I instantly regret this move. There is some mental grappling between myself and Bill, perhaps we are meeting somewhere out there in the astral plane, but I refuse to defend myself as I know he is right.
I let him vent his anger, anger fuelled by my silent acquiescence. I vow to prove him wrong.
And then I wake up.
And that, my friends, is why it is a bad idea to mix cheese. You just don't know what the effects will be.
There was another part to this, but it escapes me at the moment.. Perhaps it will come back tonight. But I think that there is something to be learned from Bill's anger.
So unknown mixed cheese medley:
10/10
(plus a lot of booze of course, including mad dogs)
Monday, 9 May 2011
Bavarian Smoked
So, apparently, I need to get off with this woman at work.
Now.... listen cheese, and listen to me good. Have you seen this woman, or, pray tell, ever spoken to her?
No.
Well, I have. I mean, you know, she's OK and all that but really? It's not going to help, there is no way.
Now I know what you are thinking - the cheese has given you a sign, a sign you have been seeking. It is the lantern of truth, the font of enlightenment, the scrying bowl of serendipity. But I ask you, how does one interpret such a sign? How does one interpret a carefully crafted poem or fine oil painting? People can tell you it is one thing, but it is up to you to know, to feel in your fibres, your mortal soul, it is up to YOU, to know the truth to what it means to you.
And I can tell you, as sure as oranges are actually green*, that I should definitely NOT get off with this woman. It is a sign that that would be a bad move. This dream is telling me, you think it's bad now? Well try THIS one out for size!
Although... Maybe, just maybe, in the way a chess master will sacrifice his pawn, or even his queen, there could be some long playing tactical advantage in fulfilling this dark prophecy.. Only time, and likely half a bottle of rum, can tell for certain.
Anyway, I remembered that last night. It was actually from the Bonbel, but I understandably forgot about it. The Bavarian was rubbish - no effect at all. I'm sure of that. The Bonbel doesn't get an upgraded rating though, because of the trauma caused.
0/10
*It's true. Just google it.
Now.... listen cheese, and listen to me good. Have you seen this woman, or, pray tell, ever spoken to her?
No.
Well, I have. I mean, you know, she's OK and all that but really? It's not going to help, there is no way.
Now I know what you are thinking - the cheese has given you a sign, a sign you have been seeking. It is the lantern of truth, the font of enlightenment, the scrying bowl of serendipity. But I ask you, how does one interpret such a sign? How does one interpret a carefully crafted poem or fine oil painting? People can tell you it is one thing, but it is up to you to know, to feel in your fibres, your mortal soul, it is up to YOU, to know the truth to what it means to you.
And I can tell you, as sure as oranges are actually green*, that I should definitely NOT get off with this woman. It is a sign that that would be a bad move. This dream is telling me, you think it's bad now? Well try THIS one out for size!
Although... Maybe, just maybe, in the way a chess master will sacrifice his pawn, or even his queen, there could be some long playing tactical advantage in fulfilling this dark prophecy.. Only time, and likely half a bottle of rum, can tell for certain.
Anyway, I remembered that last night. It was actually from the Bonbel, but I understandably forgot about it. The Bavarian was rubbish - no effect at all. I'm sure of that. The Bonbel doesn't get an upgraded rating though, because of the trauma caused.
0/10
*It's true. Just google it.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Bonbel
Pretty much the same as a mini baby bell. I dropped a couple of rounds and waited for a cheesey enlightenment on lifes current predicaments.
"But what predicaments could you possibly be going through, oh great Shaman of Cheese?" you ask.
Well, brew yourself a mug of tea, sit back, relax, and I will tell you.
Basically, there is this girl. It's gone quite wrong.
There, I think that's probably enough information about that for now. So there you have it. Now where logic and reasoning has failed or made things worse*, I have full confidence that cheese will open my ears to the whisperings of the cosmos, whisperings that will settle my mind, fortify my spirit, guide my hand and silver my tongue. All will be well...
Sadly, this was not the cheese I was looking for. Boo!
0/10
Fortunately, I have some Bavarian smoked cheese to try tonight, so it's not all bad.
*It is important to note - this was my logic and reasoning..
"But what predicaments could you possibly be going through, oh great Shaman of Cheese?" you ask.
Well, brew yourself a mug of tea, sit back, relax, and I will tell you.
Basically, there is this girl. It's gone quite wrong.
There, I think that's probably enough information about that for now. So there you have it. Now where logic and reasoning has failed or made things worse*, I have full confidence that cheese will open my ears to the whisperings of the cosmos, whisperings that will settle my mind, fortify my spirit, guide my hand and silver my tongue. All will be well...
Sadly, this was not the cheese I was looking for. Boo!
0/10
Fortunately, I have some Bavarian smoked cheese to try tonight, so it's not all bad.
*It is important to note - this was my logic and reasoning..
Monday, 28 March 2011
I don't remember
But I got it for my birthday. It is the mouldiest looking cheese I've ever seen. It looks as though it can both cure and inflict several diseases in one mouthful. It tasted like how you would imagine a furry slice of green bread to taste from that loaf you forgot to throw away before you went on holiday. Gagging and wretching are expected, and indeed considered good form, when you put this stuff in your mouth. Anyone around the table with a modicum of decency will flat refuse to go near it lest the smell on your fingers lingers for the few weeks and all bacteria in your stomach is massacred by the alien invaders of this trojan cheese horse.
In short, it was delicious.
And what did this cheese reveal to me?
Well. For one, I dreamt the perfect egg mayonnaise recipe, and that's something of a result! I'm willing to send it to people for a mere £5 donation..
I also dreamt that my brother had this crazy grey quiff, and my sister got married. But the egg mayo recipe is really the clincher here.
It's a remarkable cheese, but I still think it could be topped. So I will give it...
9/10
In short, it was delicious.
And what did this cheese reveal to me?
Well. For one, I dreamt the perfect egg mayonnaise recipe, and that's something of a result! I'm willing to send it to people for a mere £5 donation..
I also dreamt that my brother had this crazy grey quiff, and my sister got married. But the egg mayo recipe is really the clincher here.
It's a remarkable cheese, but I still think it could be topped. So I will give it...
9/10
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Havarti
I've just necked a ton of Havarti. I've also just had a hot toddy.
Find out the exciting results tomorrow!
.....
OK now it's tomorrow, and very nearly the day after that. So Havarti. What happened? I mean, seriously, what happened? I woke up a couple of short hours after going to sleep and generally had a restless night. I did dream, but I don't really remember much about it. So there you go. I don't think Havarti is the cheese I'm looking for..
2/10
Find out the exciting results tomorrow!
.....
OK now it's tomorrow, and very nearly the day after that. So Havarti. What happened? I mean, seriously, what happened? I woke up a couple of short hours after going to sleep and generally had a restless night. I did dream, but I don't really remember much about it. So there you go. I don't think Havarti is the cheese I'm looking for..
2/10
Saint Augere
Ok, this has got to be the last strong blue cheese for a while. They are all beginning to taste the same. I mean, it's pretty good, but it's strong, and it needs harnessing.
Dreams, pretty hazy. Quite mixed up without much definition, apart from one moment which I'm not sure I want to publish to the world. There is someone I know though, who I will have trouble looking in the eye the next time I see them.
Still, it had some kind of effect, so...
5/10
Dreams, pretty hazy. Quite mixed up without much definition, apart from one moment which I'm not sure I want to publish to the world. There is someone I know though, who I will have trouble looking in the eye the next time I see them.
Still, it had some kind of effect, so...
5/10
Leerdammer
Oh my! I've been slacking with my cheese eating. Well, the cheese eating has been going pretty well, but the writing about my adventures with cheese has been very poor. So I'll try and be brief with a few cheeses I've had lately..
So Leerdammer. Quite tasty. Pretty good on it's own. Ability to harness the powers of the universe - not bad. I had a dream about a huge, frikkin enormous in fact, waterfall. It was in a sort of semi circle of some kind and there was a big queue of people and we had to ride some kind of inflatable blue pillow (possibly a seat, or an arm band? I can't quite remember..) in the rapids and over the edge. And I had to go first - gasp!! I was boning up to do it, and then, as I built up the nerve to go and set off towards the precipice...
I woke up.
DAMN YOU LEERDAMMER!!!
8/10
So Leerdammer. Quite tasty. Pretty good on it's own. Ability to harness the powers of the universe - not bad. I had a dream about a huge, frikkin enormous in fact, waterfall. It was in a sort of semi circle of some kind and there was a big queue of people and we had to ride some kind of inflatable blue pillow (possibly a seat, or an arm band? I can't quite remember..) in the rapids and over the edge. And I had to go first - gasp!! I was boning up to do it, and then, as I built up the nerve to go and set off towards the precipice...
I woke up.
DAMN YOU LEERDAMMER!!!
8/10
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