Bill Bailey is standing next to me. He's angry, his hair is in a wild dissarray, his friendly chubby face scrunched into a goblin like glare of malice. He is pointing at the board, and he is not impressed, despite my reasonable score.
"You haven't even tried" he says. I square up to him, despite his intimidating 6ft 4 frame. I struggle to find words, a suitable excuse. All that rolls through my mind is that if it's so easy, why should I try? But I know this wont wash with Mr Bailey.
"I've done enough" I say with outward conviction, but inside I am shamed and I know how feeble this sounds. I instantly regret this move. There is some mental grappling between myself and Bill, perhaps we are meeting somewhere out there in the astral plane, but I refuse to defend myself as I know he is right.
I let him vent his anger, anger fuelled by my silent acquiescence. I vow to prove him wrong.
And then I wake up.
And that, my friends, is why it is a bad idea to mix cheese. You just don't know what the effects will be.
There was another part to this, but it escapes me at the moment.. Perhaps it will come back tonight. But I think that there is something to be learned from Bill's anger.
So unknown mixed cheese medley:
10/10
(plus a lot of booze of course, including mad dogs)
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Monday, 9 May 2011
Bavarian Smoked
So, apparently, I need to get off with this woman at work.
Now.... listen cheese, and listen to me good. Have you seen this woman, or, pray tell, ever spoken to her?
No.
Well, I have. I mean, you know, she's OK and all that but really? It's not going to help, there is no way.
Now I know what you are thinking - the cheese has given you a sign, a sign you have been seeking. It is the lantern of truth, the font of enlightenment, the scrying bowl of serendipity. But I ask you, how does one interpret such a sign? How does one interpret a carefully crafted poem or fine oil painting? People can tell you it is one thing, but it is up to you to know, to feel in your fibres, your mortal soul, it is up to YOU, to know the truth to what it means to you.
And I can tell you, as sure as oranges are actually green*, that I should definitely NOT get off with this woman. It is a sign that that would be a bad move. This dream is telling me, you think it's bad now? Well try THIS one out for size!
Although... Maybe, just maybe, in the way a chess master will sacrifice his pawn, or even his queen, there could be some long playing tactical advantage in fulfilling this dark prophecy.. Only time, and likely half a bottle of rum, can tell for certain.
Anyway, I remembered that last night. It was actually from the Bonbel, but I understandably forgot about it. The Bavarian was rubbish - no effect at all. I'm sure of that. The Bonbel doesn't get an upgraded rating though, because of the trauma caused.
0/10
*It's true. Just google it.
Now.... listen cheese, and listen to me good. Have you seen this woman, or, pray tell, ever spoken to her?
No.
Well, I have. I mean, you know, she's OK and all that but really? It's not going to help, there is no way.
Now I know what you are thinking - the cheese has given you a sign, a sign you have been seeking. It is the lantern of truth, the font of enlightenment, the scrying bowl of serendipity. But I ask you, how does one interpret such a sign? How does one interpret a carefully crafted poem or fine oil painting? People can tell you it is one thing, but it is up to you to know, to feel in your fibres, your mortal soul, it is up to YOU, to know the truth to what it means to you.
And I can tell you, as sure as oranges are actually green*, that I should definitely NOT get off with this woman. It is a sign that that would be a bad move. This dream is telling me, you think it's bad now? Well try THIS one out for size!
Although... Maybe, just maybe, in the way a chess master will sacrifice his pawn, or even his queen, there could be some long playing tactical advantage in fulfilling this dark prophecy.. Only time, and likely half a bottle of rum, can tell for certain.
Anyway, I remembered that last night. It was actually from the Bonbel, but I understandably forgot about it. The Bavarian was rubbish - no effect at all. I'm sure of that. The Bonbel doesn't get an upgraded rating though, because of the trauma caused.
0/10
*It's true. Just google it.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Bonbel
Pretty much the same as a mini baby bell. I dropped a couple of rounds and waited for a cheesey enlightenment on lifes current predicaments.
"But what predicaments could you possibly be going through, oh great Shaman of Cheese?" you ask.
Well, brew yourself a mug of tea, sit back, relax, and I will tell you.
Basically, there is this girl. It's gone quite wrong.
There, I think that's probably enough information about that for now. So there you have it. Now where logic and reasoning has failed or made things worse*, I have full confidence that cheese will open my ears to the whisperings of the cosmos, whisperings that will settle my mind, fortify my spirit, guide my hand and silver my tongue. All will be well...
Sadly, this was not the cheese I was looking for. Boo!
0/10
Fortunately, I have some Bavarian smoked cheese to try tonight, so it's not all bad.
*It is important to note - this was my logic and reasoning..
"But what predicaments could you possibly be going through, oh great Shaman of Cheese?" you ask.
Well, brew yourself a mug of tea, sit back, relax, and I will tell you.
Basically, there is this girl. It's gone quite wrong.
There, I think that's probably enough information about that for now. So there you have it. Now where logic and reasoning has failed or made things worse*, I have full confidence that cheese will open my ears to the whisperings of the cosmos, whisperings that will settle my mind, fortify my spirit, guide my hand and silver my tongue. All will be well...
Sadly, this was not the cheese I was looking for. Boo!
0/10
Fortunately, I have some Bavarian smoked cheese to try tonight, so it's not all bad.
*It is important to note - this was my logic and reasoning..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)